Photo of a couple on two sides of a door feeling frustrated around their communication. In an article by Lisa Rabinowitz, LCPC on how to communicate with a man who won't communicate.

Is Passion Fleeting In Marriage? Not In A Truly Healthy Partnership

In the beginning of a relationship, most couples find it easy to have passion and be passionate. Passion can really drive a relationship and keep the relationship alive. Over time, in many relationships, passion wanes and disappears. For a truly healthy relationship, passion is essential and if your passion is fleeting, you can learn ways to re-ignite it. 

Does Passion Fade?

Your passion might be fading because life gets busy. There are many reasons why your passion is fleeting, such as you are taking care of kids all day, working long hours, or you have been struggling with a mental, emotional or physical illness. You might be getting older and your hormonal balance has changed or decreased. 

Whatever the reason your passion is fading, you might not have the energy or desire to be passionate and intimate anymore. 

You may feel that the passion is fleeting because you want intimacy and passion to be spontaneous and it to just “happen.”  You might be waiting a long time for it to be the right time or a good moment. Passion will definitely fade if you wait for the perfect moment. 

If you want a healthy relationship with passion, you will need to talk about what that means and how that looks to you as individuals and as a couple.

You can ask yourselves: When will we make time for each other? When and how will we be passionate? What do we want that to look like? Are we friends before we are lovers (for some couples this is a requirement)? 

How Do You Show Passion In A Relationship?

Every couple has different ideas and views about what passion is and how to show it. As a couples therapist for over10 years, I encourage couples to discuss what passion, intimacy, and connection means to them. Some examples may be chatting about your day, discussing dreams, goals, and the future, or talking about more intimate topics. Other couples may prefer physical gestures such as holding hands, kissing, snuggling, or even more suggestive acts. 

Can A Relationship Last Without Passion?

If both partners agree that passion is important, then a relationship can survive without passion, but the key word is “both”. If one partner wants passion and is concerned that the passion is fleeting, then the couple needs to discuss how to address this issue. 

5 Signs That Passion Is Fading

If you notice these signs in your relationship, you may need to sit down and discuss how to increase and improve the passion in your lives:

  1. Living Like Roommates : You are living under one roof and handling the logistics in the house, but besides that you are not connecting or building any emotional or physical connection. When you live like roommates you will notice that you spend more time looking at your phone or playing solo games than talking or interacting with your partner. 
  2. Separate Bedrooms : If you are sleeping in separate bedrooms, it’s a strong sign that your passion is fleeting and the intimacy is non-existent. I recommend a process of integrating the couple back into the same bedroom, unless there is a very good reason not to sleep together (sleep apnea and snoring are not good reasons and can be managed as a couple system). 
  3. No Touching : People need physical touch. It is a way to bond and connect. When you stop touching daily, the passion is fleeting, fading and will be completely gone soon. On a regular basis, if you would rather go to sleep than spend time being intimate, the passion is fleeting. 
  4. No Time : When couples tell me they have no time for each other, I know the passion is fading because you have 2 minutes to say hello, hug and tell each other that you are thinking about each other. Even partners that work 12 plus hour shifts, can find time to connect by sending emojis to each other throughout the day, leaving a note in their lunch or making a 30 second FaceTme call to say, “I love you.”  You may need to be creative and on some days it might be more difficult, but don’t allow the excuse, “I don’t have time” to impact your relationship. You make time for things that are important to you.
  5. No Friendship : No friendship leads to no passion and no passion leads to no friendship. You need friendship in your relationship. You need to understand what’s happening in your partner’s life and how they are feeling. You need to know what causes your partner to experience fears, worries, happiness, and love. When you have a strong friendship you are better partners and lovers. Friendship is the foundation of all relationships and the basis for healthy and happy marriages. 

Your relationship may go through different periods of life: from college or graduate school to very demanding jobs, illness of yourselves or loved ones, babies, young kids, teenagers, to empty nesters. Learn how to create a healthy relationship with passion during each stage.  Know the five signs that passion is fleeting and the answers to how to resolve this issue. Be passionate about being passionate with your partner! 

Additional reading to support your relationship as you explore options for couples therapy and healing:

Why Do We Keep Having The Same Arguments?

How Long Is Too Long Without Sex In A Relationship?

ADHD & Relationships

Coping Skills You Need If Your ADHD Partner’s Inattentiveness, Distraction, Or Lack Of Focus Is Hurting Your Marriage

What Causes Resentment In A Marriage (Plus How You Can Heal Resentment In Yours)


Lisa Rabinowitz

Lisa Rabinowitz, LCPC is a certified Gottman therapist working with couples in the US and internationally. Lisa has worked for many years with couples who have both diagnosed and undiagnosed ADHD. Her certifications and experience uniquely qualify her to support couples with relationship challenges that often feel insurmountable. Please reach out for a free 20-minute consultation with Lisa today.

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