When you're tired of giving and getting nothing in return.

What To Do When You’re Tired Of Giving & Getting Nothing In Return

Your partner and friends always call you for help and know they can count on you. You love helping and giving to others. But sometimes there’s a point when you have given and given and given more., and you may not know what to do if you have pushed past your limit – when you’re tired of giving and getting nothing in return.

How To Know If You Are Giving Too Much To Others

When you feel resentment, anger or frustration toward the person or the situation, then you know that you have given too much. 

When your internal conversation sounds like, “Why does my partner keep asking me to help and never help me?” or “I give so much and they never give to me,” then you know you need to slow down and reflect on the dynamics between the two of you. 

If you feel like you are supporting, helping and giving to your partner and not taking care of yourself, then it’s time to take care of you. You cannot give all of your energy and time to your partner and not have any reserves for yourself. 

If you want to make them feel happy, but you don’t know what makes you happy, then you may be in a one-sided relationship. 

What Are The Signs Of A One-Sided Relationship?

In a one-sided relationship, you may feel exhausted and frustrated by how much you are supporting and taking care of your partner compared to how little you are receiving in return. 

You may feel tired of giving when it’s just one person putting in effort to make the relationship to work. All relationships are a partnership, and you both need to reach out to each other to be successful. 

In one-sided relationships, you can also experience feelings of anger or find yourself crying a lot because your partner’s insistence that they are always right leaves you constantly apologizing.  

How To Stop Giving Too Much To Others

When you’re tired of giving and getting nothing in return, you are ready to learn how to stop giving too much to others. 

Just say no! Some people are uncomfortable saying no to others, so if that sounds like you, you might need to take time to learn this skill – how to set boundaries, be assertive and say no. Giving to others is a beautiful attribute, but it is also necessary to know where to stop giving and start caring for yourself or when to ask for something in return. 

Sometimes, you may have difficulty saying no because you are a people pleaser and don’t want the other person to dislike you. In this case, you may need to understand and learn how damaging it can be for you to work constantly to please people and worry more about other people than yourself. 

In the case of a one-sided relationship, you will need to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings of giving and getting nothing in return. You can discuss your expectations and beliefs about taking care of each other in a relationship; usually these beliefs originate from how you grew up and your family role models for giving and taking. 

Secure and healthy relationships are fair, balanced and a give and take, not just a take. 

Dr. Tatkin, founder of PACT, found that couples who have a fair, mutual and balanced relationship will be more securely attached and build a stronger connection. When you’re tired of giving and getting nothing in return, you could try to explore your visions of a secure relationship.

You may have tried sharing your feelings, but nothing changed and you are still giving too much. 

Are You In A Relationship With No Give And Take?

Should you call it quits!? When you’re tired of giving and getting nothing in return, you may need to call it quits. You deserve to be cared for and supported by your partner and your relationship can not be a one way street.

Another option is to attend couples therapy to create a secure relationship and learn how to work together instead of having a one-sided relationship. 

It can be difficult to know what to do when you’re tired of giving and getting nothing in return.  However, when you learn the signs of giving too much and of one-sided relationships, you can decide whether or not you want to continue down that path. Also, you can start to discuss your expectations in the relationship and the conversations may shift the direction of your relationship. 

Additional reading to support your relationship as you explore options for couples therapy and healing:

How To Discuss Relationship Problems Without Fighting

How Long Is Too Long Without Sex In A Relationship?

Coping Skills You Need If Your ADHD Partner’s Inattentiveness, Distraction, Or Lack Of Focus Is Hurting Your Marriage

What Causes Resentment In A Marriage (Plus How You Can Heal Resentment In Yours)

How Often Do Couples Fight And Should You Be Concerned?


Lisa Rabinowitz

Lisa Rabinowitz, LCPC is a certified Gottman therapist working with couples in the US and internationally. Lisa has worked for many years with couples who have both diagnosed and undiagnosed ADHD. Her certifications and experience uniquely qualify her to support couples with relationship challenges that often feel insurmountable. Please reach out for a free 20-minute consultation with Lisa today.

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